Wolf and the Owl
Poetry, Lyrics, Translations
and Musings by Alex Etchart

Hitch Hiker’s A-Z

By on Tuesday 20th March, 2012

(of Car Screen Faces)

A is for “Aww isn’t that cute! No don’t stop honey, we can’t possibly be late for the show…”

B is for the Bastard who waves you away like some pestering fly at the petrol station when you ask real nice

C is for “Can’t you get a train or a plane or a life like everybody else?”

D is for Dumbstruck “What on earth is that? Surely that’s not done in this century I hope!”

E is for Evils: ’cause anyone travelling for free must be a rapist or a communist or both

F is for the Finger, which roughly translates as “get a job you freeloading twat!”

G is for that obnoxious, ambiguous Grin; is it “Good on yer” or “Grow up” or “Good luck”?

H is for unHelpful Hand signals, frantically communicating “I would… If I could… Maybe tomorrow… It’s just that my wife just exploded a pancake in the next door neighbour’s oven in Brazil”

I is for “I don’t associate with these practices but I’m sure one of your kind will be shortly along.”

J is for “Joker”. Well, I’m glad to be of comic relief but that don’t get me anywhere closer to home

K is for Kids, with that smug look on their face of “well I’m not growing up to be like you!” (but to be fair I wouldn’t risk picking up a stranger if I had kids in the back of the car”

L is for Long waits in the cold and damp on a Sunday morning on a tiny village roundabout no one drives by anyway

M is for Mothers with that look of concern in response to your sodden baggage and puppy eyes, but they still put their foot on the gas

N is for Nighttime when you automatically become a mass-murderer and so resign to sleep it off in a roadside bush

O is for “Ohhh” when a bunch of skinheads slow down, let you chase ’em, bags flailing, then drive off at the very last moment

P is for Perseverance: just when you’re about to give up hope and change spot a car pulls over with seconds to spare

Q is for Quizzical looks, constantly making you doubt whether you read the map the right way round or if the last advice you were given was sound

R is for no Rest once you finally get a ride yet cannot sleep due to your duty to small talk

S is for the Story I know he’s gonna tell down the pub this evening, but the only one joining him will be my ghost

T is for Tired, when you’ve had enough rejections, risking your life walking the motorway and not eating since yesterday morn

U is for Understanding at last why the funny looks when you’re standing in the wrong direction despite your cardboard sign

V is for very nearly at your destination and yet get stranded in a shithole down the road with no way out

W is for “Wahey”, thumbs up, thanks for cheerin’ me on, but a fuck loada help it is without a ride anyway

X, Y, Z all of these gestures, looks and sounds are real sweet but if none of you actually picks me up I’ll still be stuck here at the end of the day

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Posted in: Poems

Blog owner, singing/strumming person, word speaker, community arts make-happen-er, eco-baby.


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